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How to use recurring dreams to resolve practical life issues

How to use recurring dreams to resolve practical life issues

What kind of practical results can you expect to see in your life when you understand a dream and apply dream alchemy?

Ian's recurring dream is being being stuck in a corner with large balls coming at him.

Ian’s recurring dream is being being stuck in a corner with large balls coming at him.

Last month I was a guest on Ruby and Dave’s breakfast show on Radio 94.9, chatting about dreams and taking calls from listeners. One of the callers, Ian, asked about a recurring dream he’s been experiencing for many years. Being radio, where we need to keep things short and sweet, he summarised his dream as being stuck in a corner with large balls coming at him. In just those few words, he painted a vivid picture, and I’m sure you can imagine how he feels in this dream, and how that feeling spills over into his day as his dream lingers on his mind.

Actually it starts the other way around, because dreams reflect our conscious and unconscious experiences of the last 24-48 hours. So whenever Ian feels stuck and cornered by what life seems to be throwing at him, he has this dream, and because the dream doesn’t offer a solution to his predicament, he wakes with a residue of the same feeling colouring his day.

Because the dream is unresolved, his situation is unresolved. He hasn’t managed to find a way out of that cornered feeling.

Because the dream is unresolved, his situation is unresolved. He hasn’t managed to find a way out of that cornered feeling.

Ian’s dream is unresolved. It reflects a situation in his life that is unresolved. I didn’t get to hear the whole dream, so I didn’t have the opportunity to pinpoint the unconscious beliefs and conditioning that cause Ian to experience this stuck and cornered feeling from time to time in his life. What we do know is that because the dream is unresolved, his situation is unresolved. He hasn’t managed to find a way out of that stuck in a corner feeling.

Dreams help to identify unconscious beliefs or attitudes that are blocking you from seeing fulfilling solutions.

Dreams help to identify unconscious beliefs or attitudes that are blocking you from seeing fulfilling solutions.

While our dreams reflect our waking life experiences of the previous two days, they also work on finding solutions – on problem solving. (That’s why sleeping on a problem is a good idea, as you’ll often wake with a solution, regardless of whether you remember the dream.)  If you look closely at complex dreams, you’ll see they frequently involve trying to solve a dilemma or problem, such as how to find your way somewhere, how to escape a tsunami, how to feed too many dinner guests. The dilemma or problem is usually framed at the start of the dream, and the rest of the dream is devoted to trying a variety of solutions. If a solution is found, you may wake with an insight into a current problem, though your dream solution may also reflect a stuck-in-a-rut solution you habitually apply that feels promising but only keeps you stuck. If your dream does not find a solution – if it is an unresolved dream – it reflects a waking life situation that is unresolved, and the likely cause is an unconscious belief or attitude that is blinding you to seeing a fulfilling solution.

If you were to meet Ian, what would you discover? What might his situation be?

If you were to meet Ian, what would you discover? What might his situation be?

If you were to meet Ian, you might find that he seems cornered and stuck. Or you might find that he seems to be very driven, active, and apparently coping with all that life throws at him. If this second scenario is the case, Ian’s recurring dream reveals that he is driven by a belief that life throws overwhelming difficulties at him that must be fought and overcome or else he’ll be stuck and cornered. This belief would most likely have been conditioned by Ian’s early life experiences, the emotional shadows of which haunt him in his recurring dream. Ian may attribute much of his success to his drive, and be blind to the fact that he could achieve all his success and more in a less stressful way and by feeling encouraged and inspired by passion rather than driven by fear of being cornered.

Again, because I didn’t get to hear the whole dream or talk with Ian for longer, I don’t know where he’s feeling the pressure in his life, so let’s imagine some possible situations:

WORK

  • He might feel stuck and cornered at work, overwhelmed with demands.
  • He might be a high achiever at work, daily battling overwhelming demands.

RELATIONSHIP

  • He might feel stuck and cornered in a relationship, feeling overwhelmed by his partner’s demands.
  • He might exert his independence and freedom in a relationship, feeling overwhelmed by his partner’s demands.

FINANCES

  • He might feel stuck and cornered in his finances, overwhelmed by debts.
  • He might be focussed on amassing wealth and security, feeling overwhelmed by the cost of living.

COMMUNICATION

  • He might feel stuck and cornered when it comes to expressing himself, feeling overwhelmed by criticism and judgement of others.
  • He might be persuasively expressive, or even opinionated and defensive, feeling overwhelmed by a belief that others will criticise and judge him.

There are many more potential situations, but these serve to illustrate the point.

In dream therapy we would identify the situation and explore the psychology behind it before doing an appropriate dream alchemy practice to reprogram the belief that has been blinding Ian, into a new supportive belief.

What kind of practical results can you expect to see in your life when you understand a dream and apply dream alchemy?

What kind of practical results can you expect to see in your life when you understand a dream and apply dream alchemy?

Let’s cut to the chase and answer the question I posed at the beginning of this blog: What kind of practical results can you expect to see in your life when you understand a dream and apply dream alchemy?

If Ian understood his dream and applied dream alchemy, what kind of practical results might he expect to see in the suggested scenarios?

IAN’S WORK

In his work, he might expect the usual workload to suddenly feel less demanding, perhaps more inspiring. He might notice that demanding people become less so, or that they take their demands to others, sensing the shift in Ian’s psyche. He might notice that work suddenly seems less a battlefield and more a joy, and that success comes with more ease and less stress. Rather than coping with overwhelming demands, he might feel more creative about setting a productive, healthy pace.

IAN’S RELATIONSHIP

What kind of changes might Ian expect to see in his relationship?

What kind of changes might Ian expect to see in his relationship?

In his relationship, he might notice his partner feels less demanding, or he might gain insight into her real needs and expectations and realise that some of these can be easily negotiated or fulfilled. Or he might notice that his partner seeks help for her demands elsewhere – perhaps talking things through with friends or a counsellor – or that she suddenly seems to resolve issues herself. He might feel less driven to express or protect his independence and freedom, and realise that he can enjoy these while also enjoying spending more time with his partner, pursuing common goals, and being more intimate. Or the relationship may end, prompted by Ian’s shift no longer fuelling the old dynamics.

IAN’S FINANCES

What kind of changes might Ian expect to see in his finances?

What kind of changes might Ian expect to see in his finances?

In his finances, he might expect his debt situation to ease. This might be through an increase in income or funding, an insight into a better way to negotiate or handle his debts, sudden clarity on how to reduce excess living costs, or unexpected workable offers from his debtors. Or he might notice a shift away from focussing on amassing wealth and security, and toward appreciating other areas of his life. He might notice that the money he spends on living suddenly seems less of a cost and more of a reward.

IAN’S COMMUNICATION

In his communications, he might notice that people seem less critical or judgemental. He might suddenly notice people being supportive, or offering helpful insight. He might notice a shift in his thoughts about himself and others, becoming less critical and judgemental. He might feel less defensive in communication and more interested in understanding other people’s views. He might find people interested in what he has to say, and feel less inclined to add drama and persuasion in an effort to underline his validity. He will find communication eases.

That different response changes how the other players in the situation respond, which feeds back to the dreamer, and so on.

That different response changes how the other players in the situation respond, which feeds back to the dreamer, and so on.

As you can see from the examples, accurate interpretation and appropriate dream alchemy results in the dreamer experiencing positive, practical change in a situation which had previously been problematical.

In most cases, the situation remains the same, but the dreamer’s perception of it shifts, so he responds differently. That different response changes how the other players in the situation respond, which feeds back to the dreamer, and so on.

Look at your life.

What do you see?

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Life lessons

Are we meant to learn lessons from our dreams?

“Are we meant to learn lessons from our dreams?” asked Cheryl, in an email I received this week. It’s a good question, both simple and complex, and one many people ask. So, are we meant to learn lessons from our dreams?

I’ve been watching Isobel, my eight month old granddaughter, learning to crawl. You might think crawling is innate, an instinct, but not all babies crawl before they can walk. Some progress directly from sitting to standing and walking, while others get mobile by rolling around, or shuffling on their bottoms, or scrabbling on hands and feet rather than on hands and knees.

Must you crawl before you can walk?

Must you crawl before you can walk?

Newborns have an instinctive crawling reflex. If you place a newborn on her mother’s tummy, she will usually do the ‘breast crawl’, crawling up to latch on to her mother’s nipple.  If you place babies onto their tummies in their first weeks of life, you will see little movements like crawling. Although they don’t make any forward movement, this action is believed to help protect them from asphyxiation when lying face down. The instinct seems to disappear after a few weeks, and since babies in some cultures never crawl, it appears that crawling is just one of many possible solutions babies find to satisfy a drive to get mobile before they work out how to walk.

Here’s what I’ve learned from watching Isobel learn to crawl.

The most important thing is the toy she wants to get to. It’s all about keeping her eye on the prize. Locked on all fours, swaying, getting nowhere, you can almost hear her thinking, searching for a solution. At least, that’s my interpretation of what’s going on!

Does this remind you of a situation in your life, now or in the past, where you know what you want to achieve, but you can’t seem to get it happening? Or you can’t quite work out exactly what to do? Or you just feel stuck?

What do you do next? Keep trying? Get frustrated? Look for a different solution? Give up? Feel like a failure? Cry for help?

What do you do next? Keep trying? Get frustrated? Look for a different solution? Give up? Feel like a failure? Cry for help?

What do you do next? Keep trying? Get frustrated? Look for a different solution? Give up? Feel like a failure? Cry for help?

What is the right thing to do? Is there a life lesson here?

Some argue for persistence. Stick with the formula, stick with doing what you’re doing, and you will eventually succeed. Others argue the opposite. If what you’re doing isn’t working, then you need to change what you’re doing.

Isobel might have found a different way to get mobile. She got pretty good at doing the roly poly, which, by adding a wriggle here and there, sort of got her to where she wanted to be, but crawling still intrigued her, so she spent more time swaying on all fours, thinking. And growing stronger. After a few days, she tried hefting both legs at the same time, and then finally worked out the cross crawl pattern – move right knee and left hand, then left knee and right hand. Now she’s building up the strength to go more than four little crawls at a time.

What can you take from Isobel’s story to apply to a situation where you feel stuck?

Is the resistance you feel actually assistance in disguise?

Is the resistance you feel actually assistance in disguise?

Are you really stuck? Or, like a baby swaying on all fours, are you really in training, practising and acquiring accessary skills, gaining strengths, developing and refining systems, even if all you’ve got is a feeling of getting nowhere? Is the resistance you feel actually assistance in disguise? Is giving up the best solution, or might today be the day when everything you have learned finally clicks into co-ordination and, quite suddenly, you achieve your goal?

“You can’t walk before you can crawl,” is a commonly quoted life lesson. Not necessarily true when considered literally. Generally true metaphorically.

I’m not sure what kind of lessons Cheryl was referring to when she asked if we are we meant to learn lessons from our dreams, but I do know that our dreams process our conscious and unconscious experiences of the last 24-48 hours, matching them to our past experiences before filing them away as ‘same old’ or ‘new’. So our dreams reflect our personal beliefs about life – the life lessons we have drawn and relied upon (same old), and new life lessons in the making.

The more we share and compare what our life lessons have taught us, the closer we move towards living our lives meaningfully.

The more we share and compare what our life lessons have taught us, the closer we move towards living our lives meaningfully.

The lessons I draw from my life experiences may be different from the lessons you draw, and the lessons you drew when you were ten may be different from the lessons you will draw when you are ninety. What seems right or feels right or works right for you may be totally wrong for me, but the more we share and compare what our life lessons have taught us, the closer we move towards living our lives meaningfully.

When you interpret your dreams, you understand the unconscious patterns of your life. You see how you live your life according to the personal lessons you have learned, and you see which of those life lessons are working well for you, and which are not. It’s never too late to learn (oh, that’s a universal life lesson, by the way), and if it’s meaningful life lessons you’re after, look into your dreams to understand your life, how it has shaped you, and how you can choose to shape it.

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